grown up

Being a grown-up is hard sometimes. I have to wake up early for work; I've recently been working 9-5 everyday. I have to make life decisions. I have to pay for my own bills. I have to move out of the apartment that I love. I don't have a tan. I don't nap as much as I used to.

But then, once I come home from work at 5 I have nothing to do! Its so great. I can just watch TV, lay around, clean, hangout with friends, etc. No homework or studying. That's my favorite part.

However, the fact that I'm getting older and won't be attending school in the fall is really starting to hit me hard now that I'm moving out of my apartment. Many of my friends talked about moving home from school and how they were dealing with their feelings, but I couldn't relate at the time. I didn't really deal with all of those post-graduate feelings when I graduated because nothing changed: I remained living in the apartment that I had for all of senior year, I kept working at the same job, and continued hanging out with the same set of friends. Its that strange feeling where I want to be strong per usual, but then deep inside of me there's this inkling to just break down, cry out, and really deal with all my feelings. But I'm not that deal-with-your-feelings-cry-on-a-shoulder type of girl, so I doubt that will happen.

I'm not sure I'm ready to be a grown-up; I'm still a kid. I'm not sure I'm ready to take care of myself for the rest of my life or have a multitude of responsibilities on my shoulders. Well ready or not, here I come!